"We pass the word around; we ponder how the case is put by different people, we read the poetry; we meditate over the literature; we play the music; we change our minds; we reach an understanding. Society evolves this way, not by shouting each other down, but by the unique capacity of unique, individual human beings to comprehend each other." - Lewis Thomas

Friday, August 19, 2011


So I have not written much in a while but I was awe-struck by the ferry boats and the airplanes which surround me on my little island world. The cars, trucks, motorcycles - windows, doors with hinges. I found the fascinating wonders of our ingenuity and imagination. So I decided to share it in the best way I know how...

Human Ingenuity and its Imagination

The greatest feat of humanity is not our adaptability nor our compassion and our ability to feel for one another but our ingenuity. It is our ability to over come all physical and metaphysical obstacles which sets us apart. Ingenuity has brought our parasitic plague across this planet and allowed us to expand through eons. It is this feat which has allowed our imagination to soar and move past the constraints of our physical world.

Ingenuity has allowed the human race to move across the oceans when we wanted to cross them; it allowed us to touch the clouds when we wanted to fly. When man first came in contact with the great blue sea, and first man built a floatation device to attempt to cross the ocean I am sure that those around believed him crazy. He ignored them and decide to explore those off in the horizon, which would expand their world. I am as sure as that as I am as when man first set its sight on the moon and the vast nothingness beyond our planet. They would say that the God(s) would be angry an smite him down.

When he did not return from his voyage within a few hours. I am sure they decided to follow in order to discover the fate of the man who was simply exploring the new found land with a childish awe. It would be the same with every new advancement of technology and ingenious contraptions which allow the human race to move past its natural constraints. It is this necessity for exploration, adventure and to progress across the matter present to us that brings me stand amazed a the simplest of inventions.

Just as man decided to cross the oceans, to explore the skies and the planets, we built more simple objects such as a door hinge. It sounds silly, but when the human race desires something it is our power of imagination and ingenuity that allowed us to create a way to give one another privacy with the ability to move in between rooms.

It just seems that we toss aside all that is amazing about ourselves. The imagination and the ever growing, ever evolving technology that is present in our world today. When we need, as a species (albeit parasitic and destruction existence), something we have the power within our mind to create it and design it. Not only this, we have the power within any one of us to design a more efficient and build upon the design of others. It is this ability that helps to solidify our need for social constructs and social influences.

Human ingenuity is all around us. It goes unnoticed amongst the average population. My own cynicism towards the human race ceases when I take the time to notice and look at the world in which we have created. It is fascinating to see the power of the human imagination our power to bring our imagination into a reality.

"In the world around us there are small fountains of inspiration which we all must drink from. It is the artist which describes it, the scientist which wonders about it, the layperson which believes it, the child which understand it but it is within all of us that feels it. That drawing and unrelenting feeling that life is bound by its beauty, no matter what follows after it." - Authors note 19

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Lovers

Two Lovers engtangled in eternity
Through concord and broken harmony.

Through the shadows of time
They lost one another, bound to search.

Eager souls eroding away
From each wave, each new era.

Lovers pulled apart by life
Longing to sleep in each others arms.

Desire and dreams hold the tides of time
As civilizations fall, lovers stand tall.

Their bodies ache for one another
Longing for the touch of the other.

Words resonate inside their heads
It is through each breath the other feels.

Souls bound to one another
Seeking their shattered harmony.

From love they stem
Their story extending time and space.

Her touch and her voice
His strength and his embrace.

Elegance since the beginning of time.
That longing within all.

From words to desires to dreams
A lasting love
Two souls across time
Torn apart by circumstance,
With each word
The are pulled together
Empty vessels
Seeking one another
From the beginning
And until the end.
Love eternal.

"During the darkest times we are ignorant the light and the beauty that attempts to break through the grey cloud covers. During the brightest of times we are blind to the darkest shadows that lurk in the corners." Authors note 24

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Memoir of a Solidary Wanderer pt2

I dreamt about her again last night. Her flowing brown hair and gloriously sparking eyes. She was like an angel, I could not have been happier. Our daughter was the mirrored image of her, beautiful and stunning. We were happy, beyond happy. It was good.

She was in her bleach white sundress and we were laying on a blanket under a tree. Her smile warmed my heart. I knew it was a dream, even while I was dreaming it. Her soft hand brushed against my scarred face, I was not alone here in my head like I was in my run down shack of reality. I could be with her, see her, touch her. I have lost the sound of her voice, forgotten with so many others. Lost amongst the waves of irradiated ponds, burning cities and collapsing civilizations.

By the end of the dream I had watched the waves of nuclear fire wash over her, as they did the day before. She tripped, it was not fault. I was carrying our daughter, I ran back I swear I did. I was too late. I'm sorry Vanessa, I am. I watched as I lost you, my love, again. Your life slipping through my fingers like grains of sand falling through an hour glass. Body collapsing into the flame, like a tired soul on a mattress.

You see before the war, or wars would be more appropriate, people were building and setting up shelters from the poison and the flames. Our neighbours had one, we could not afford to redo our house with the necessary materials (I would love to be able to tell you about the mechanics and all the technical jargon behind it, but alas I was no scientist just a mere office clerk working to pay the bills).

This diary, notebook, journal or whatever you wish to call it is my last attempt to tell my story. It is the last thing I am able to talk to. You who are reading this, I hope you understand. The darkness that swallows the human soul during times of cataclysmic events is a horrific stain, one that rarely ever leaves.

The sun has fallen: Day 30
Month: Unknown
Year: 2015
(Decided to try and keep track of the days)

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Wooden Mountain

Alone with the sands of time,
At the top of this wooden mountain
Awaiting for broken clocks to chime
We wash away the blood of kin.

The clouds of power form
Over the basset of the mind
Resting the reckless storm
Insight dies as life becomes blind.

With a candle flicker
And the stars ignite
We bury our vicar
Next to his despite.

He sits next to angels' kin
Temptation's embrace holds
As these morbid desires sin
And the scarred truth unfolds.

"At the top of any kingdom the stress of life will attempt to drown you leaving ignorance to be blissful boat which allows you to stay afloat." - Author's note 19

Thursday, May 5, 2011


It is here
In this courtyard
Surround by whispers
Past and present
Swirling emotion
Fact becomes fiction.

Born of stone
Erected statues
Gargoyles of sin
Saints swallowing pride
Eager ignorance
Cracking under pressure.

Unfeeling, unmoving
Wind lapping at the cold
Internal shine muffled
Frozen faces
Broken methods.
Mounds of silver.

Liquid glass
Reflecting mirror
Eternal clock
Ticking down
End of time
Cracking under friction.

The witness
And the pain
Shards of past
Cursing the present
Eager for movement
The chains take hold.

"Grey skies just make us appreciate the sun that much more; it is the same with pain and suffering, they allow us to appreciate the love and the happiness." - Authors note 11

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

The Memoir of a Solitary Wanderer pt1

In the end we are all the same, at least that is what they told. We are all dead, either dust or ash. Yet, in the world we exist and convince our selves of the differences. The blood stains around me, the cold steel at my waist are all the same colour no matter who the man was.

The wasteland, or so they called it, was nothing but desolate emptiness. A vaccuum of heat, housing the remnants of the world before. It was percisely this determination of distinct differences which lead to the world burning. Arbitrary disputes accompanied by ignorance. As it turns out the hippies were right.

The sun around breaks through the cracks of wood which old the shack that I slept in together. Each morning I awake from dreams of how the world was before. It had not been long that the world was ablaze in nuclear fire. There are still standing messages from the war. It is unclear, without traveling through time, how the conflicts began. All that is known, or is believed would be more accurate, is that it involved every nation and every man, woman and child.

This is simply the recount of one man's story attempting to survive the desolate lonliness. My story. I found a notebook in this shack with a working pen and decided to jot down notes to you (whoever you may be). These days, as I am sure you know, it is hard to know where the next meal, drink are coming from or the last time you see the sun will be. Not that not seeing the sun would be a bad thing.

Contrary to what others may percieve this desolate world to be, there are survivors. Some of which have been driven mad by the chaotic anarchy, and others who have banded together to form small settlements scattered through the North American land (probably throughout the world as well). It was my path to walk alone through this world.

I was with one of these settlements, was not always alone. The choice to leave was not entirely my own either. You see, if you have no already come accross them, they tend to be rather tyranical. Power, percieved power, takes over the mind and reaks havoc there. One thing I have learned as I watched the world burn is that we do not change. The old saying "history repeats itself" is more true now, than it ever has been.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Minds of Madness

Buried deep within the mind of madness
Lies the lonely X on the map.

A darkness born of light of lust,
Tempests of loneliness pushing them away.

Strong words longing to be used,
A desire hidden in the darkest cornor.

In the darkness of the heart
There can only be truth.

In the fleeting moment before
The witnesses cry horror.

Eyes staring into the empty emotion,
Desperation aparent.

It is in death that virtue shines
And life that virtue dies.

Here in our existant plain
We swallow our sins and praise.

In the dark corners of our mind,
There awaits an X, a guide.

Alone, he wanders
Looking for the venturer.

"In those fleeting moments when an opportunity presents itself, we are able to see our full potential." - Authors note 02

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

The Clouded Mind

In the ashes of the clouded mind,

The smoke rings truth
And the in ruins of society
We find symbols of ourselves
Reflections of what is
Of what could be
And of what should be.

I have witnessed
The second coming of love
Lived through the emptiness
Felt the curses of the sky,
That ever watching looking glass
Forced to relive life after life
Like a flame bouncing along a log.

Clouded thoughts
Distorted desires
Resonating reflections
Witnessing the endless recesses
The depths of images
Residing in each thought
As the wind breaks the waves.

It is here in the darkness,
The stone faces of the past
Echo amongst each other
Noise rebounding off of noise
A tidalwave of ignorance
Against the ruins of perception.

"We all see each other in the same light as we see ourselves." - Authors note 30

Thursday, April 14, 2011

The heart and those which run through it

The heart, a large wooden door leading to that unknown and undescribable emotion which we all seek. That tiny four letter word which man has killed man in order to keep to himself; like an artifact of some ancient place. The ironic thing is that the word, in itself, teaches the opposite of death, of destruction and the opposite of everythign accompanies those things. Yet we still do it.

The glorious thing is that the heart, itself, acts as its own barrier and its own protector. Keeping those at bay who can not choose the right key from the dust covered walls of hanging, once silver keys. Keeping most away and intimidating others. There is, like everything, exceptions that work their way through the breaks and the cracks, have a lucky guess or persuade their way through.

Upon the entering the heart, a long dark hallway lite by a single light at the end faces whoever be the lucky one to open the door. Key in hand they wander the halls, finding in the emptiness the deepest desires behind unlocked, unkempt doorways. Blacker than shades in daylight they wander from room to room with no explanation. They seek the desires, temptations, disgusts, losses, memories and many other emotionally tied objects. Something in which they can keep as their own to show what they know. An egotistical search by trial and error, tripping over the fallacies of their original thoughts.

Slowly the candles ignite along the walls of this hall. A singular door is shut with no way of opening it, no key, no lock just a road block. They stand before it with their object like an offering. Believing that the hallway of the heart is the end of the journey to love. Little do these people realize there is more beyond the door. The door does no seek offerings, the arrogance of the belief that this is all.

These hallways stretch for a timeless amount. It brings the sands of time to a halt, watching the flakes of dust be pushed aside by each others strength. The eager mind seeks a stimulant, not an offering of words or object. The heart is the beginning phase, the emptiness which accompanies the heart is eliminated by the acknowledgement of the mind and the body, of the soul and the heart. A person must walk the hallways and search the right door through instinct, not by fumbling through each other clouding the judgement of the heart.

The cycle never breaks, never begins and rarely finishes. Thus, we settle. In a time of increasing emptiness, we settle more and more. In searches of intimacy and companionship, through which ever lonely facade we can convince ourself of. Life turns into a masquerade of lies. We shield ourselves from the revelation of the fact that we are alone in the world, by falling for our own lies. They last until the sands end and we wash away to the shore of truth. That final realization of falsehood we distracted ourself from for an era. Then that breath escapes the lungs and the heart remains an empty vessel for the mind.

"Life, dreams and desires are just replications of one another. The fact that we split them apart into separate categories is the greatest fallacy man has ever made. If we were to live life as though it were a dream, find that desire and seek it out we would be eternally happy. Most live life as if it is a punishment, seeing their dreams crushed and their desires striped; however, if this were true and not just a perception, life would and could not exist. As life would be a pointless facade without a direction to move in. We mustn't split dreams and desires from living life each day, else we will see life in the darkest corners of our mind. Watching and holding the noose which echoes through the visions of life's worst perceptions." - Authors note 62

Ode to the Lonely soul

I awoke in the same place I left. Breath gasping, nails cutting into the red velvet armchair. Fire ablaze, sparks casting moving shadows along the walls. Crystal shimmering alongside the sparks, echoing the melting ice. A branch before the window dancing with the darkness within.

In the darkness, everything appeared normal. Something was off, however. Each breath tasted normal. The fire cast its warmth externally. The sounds of silent echoed, as it did daily. Yet something felt wrong.

My pen still gave its ink to the page. Notebook, empty and open. Revealing itself to the crystal ashes. Stains of ink bled through like memories of the past. She lay there, accepting without protest. Each stroke, each line being placed with conflict.

In the emptiness of the mind, everything was off. The fire was not quite warm enough. The branch begged and begged to get in, from the opposite side. The page looked at back up at me as I carved in her. Guilt ridden shadows knocked against the glass, tormenting the branch. Everything was the same, but slightly different.

The velvet chair moved under the skin. Crystal echoed the silent noise of the world which surrounded me. On the brink of darkness, each breath was strained. The air was still, stiff, stale and empty. Its hollowness mirrored the lonely soul watching his world turn.

I imagined footprints in the snow. A man alone, wandering through a whiteout. A castle, a modern cityscape, silhouette beckoning to him. His feet moved him closer, but the closer he got the further away salvation became. A chain attached to his waist dangling desire in front of him. He walked himself in circles, desperate. Alone. Contemplating how the path led him here.

My gasping breath, and guilty hand scratched word after word into the page. Listening for her silent cries. The pain of the outside distracting from the pain within. The bound pages running low, its end nearing. A revelation of mortality, regrets floating to the surface.

Here in the darkness of white and snow. The mind wanders to the truth of lies. Forward thinking about the past. This undesirable ending, the box of society. Struggling. Forcing the restraint to tighten. Struggle more. It flows the like the wings of birds.

As my muscles tense and attempt to leave the armchair. Her voice echoes through the room. The ice cracks withing the crystal. Soft. Sensual. Soothing. Elegant in the way her words go from one to the other. Jealousy ignites the page as ink spills over each word. In my lonely world of lifeless objects and bitter truths, a light begins to shine.

As with the footprints, I allow my mind to wander in search of her, the sound. It draws me in circles. Bringing me closer, then pulling her away. Her skin was soft as silk. Her lips like the wind lapping at ones face. Her touch sends shivers through ever nerve in the body. Pure. Beauty.

Memories surge and the fire begins the rage against itself. Burning out. Devouring the wood, the fuel, like a starving dog. Temptation.

There is a cliff in the mind and along the edge of it is a room. In this room, there is a single red armchair, walls accented by selves of books, a fire place with an ever burning flame. There are two tables one on either side of the chair; the first holds a single pen and paper, lovers to the end. Pain and suffering accompany their love, as the pen scratches away at the heart of the page she accepts it, welcomes it, allows it. On the other is a never ending crystal glass, it is always half full with whatever you imagine. Outside this room is a singular tree, it longs and dreams of entering. For each attempt, each tap it its pulled further back. Forced to watch from the outside, never belonging forever dreaming.

"Before we can find the one we are destined to belong to, we must find ourself. To do this we must allow each grain of sand to tell you its truth; listen to for the whispers of lies, the glimmers of truth and allow the beauty of the world to fill your eyes, heart, soul and mind. Once we have discovered who we are, that person will be waiting." - Authors note 16

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Those Words

They were like every other word
Endless and eternal.

Language spoken in Gryphon's tongues
Hymns through serpent's teeth.

In the breaking silence,
Echoes of stolen voices.

Projections of ourselves upon each other
Deflecting truth from the eyes.

In the streaks of the sunshine in daylight
The rain falls between.

With the other words stabbing from the tongues
We walk wounded.

Basking the glorious glimmer of the sun,
Whispers of the deflated faces.

As the daylight falls below the earth,
Lasting the darkness of the world.

Painting the world with a grey discolouration,
From the tongue shaped brushes.

It were those words which bore me,
It were those words which destroyed me.

"They say the pen is mightier than the sword for the words which they projected onto the world. They stain the stains of world which we ignore everyday. The pen opens the opinions which we choose not to see, it has a mind of its own and can see; whereas the sword is at the will of others." - Authors Note 04

Friday, March 18, 2011

The truth about the Meaning of Life...

Life is as simple as a conversation with Time. The conversation itself can never, alone, be simple in itself but in order to understand the perspective of our lives we need to have it. Time is all of those fleeting moments which we miss and continue to observe. The emptiness that rests at the bottom of the glass of water we watched evaporate. The last breath of steam off of that cup of coffee you never got to finish this morning. That moment you let the love of your life fall through your fingers like sands on the beaches of the tropics.

We need not to converse about the meaning as truth be told would be pointless and irrelevant. We constantly ask of life what the point of it all is, why we suffer, why we feel happy and what the meaning of our life really is? In the desperate attempts to ask the right questions we forget to truly live our lives. We, in fact, miss the point of life it self. Life can be nothing more than what we make of it and if all we make of it is demands of it to tell us what we are missing rather uncovering that which we are missing.

Everything in Life can be no different. Not that this is anything different than what we all understand at some point in our lives. Those which surround me seem to spend their time demanding the point of their life and forget that life is not about the point or the meaning of it but it is about living life. It is about associating the events in all of our lives to one another to uncover the meaning of it. None is right nor wrong, but life will never give us its meaning without us in fact living through life itself.

It is a matter of conversing with Time to finally come to the truth about our lives. Rather than running from the difficulties which will occur throughout everyday, we should face them. By bracing the issues of our lives we will slowly become more adept at discovering the silver lining in life and ignore distress of the problems. It is from the silver lining that we will be able to interpret the meaning of our lives.

"It is illogical to feel responsible for the problems of others. We are only responsible when we do not offer the help which we can and we choose not too. If we can help, we should. If we can not we have no reason to feel responsible for the issue of the other person before us." - Authors Note 89

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


When I finally found an escape from my hell,
I found myself looking for the escape from the escape.

"The souls breath the inspiration that comes from those around you; whether it be sorrow, pain, happiness, love, hate or any other emotion." - Authors note 06

What life would be....

Even though we are just silhouettes,

Shadows of what we once were,

We shared our scars, our memories,

Our triumphs, our failures, our sorrows

And our joys.

We connected the dots,

Created a sail boat,

Plotted a course and went for the horizon.

I sit here now, on the shore of the unconscious

Sand under each nail

Driving into the sign of this new home,

Dreaming about the moments we shared

And the plans we had for each other.

It was your eyes

Elegant and brave like the rising sea,

It was your smile warming as the sun

Your patience that made the sand and the shore

And your love that sparked the heart of man.

It is here

in my lonely solitude

That I wonder what life would be.

"It hurts more to be creating happiness than it does to watch it from the side lines." - Authors note 48